Dental conditioning

Is there any seat in the world more stressful than a dentist's chair? When it slowly lowers you into that helpless, flat-on-your-back-with-your-head-leaning-much-further-back-than-you-would-care-for-it-to-be feeling, it is a moment of surrender. Take thy teeth and do thy great will, but preferably not with the evil little dental hook.

Actually, the worst part of a six-month check-up (which is where I was yesterday) is the excruciating wait between when they take your x-rays and when you actually see the dentist. After getting my x-rays done yesterday (fun fact: the lead apron had a rip in it), the hygienist disappeared to parts unknown, possibly never to re-emerge. I hate it when they do this, because I figure that, if it takes them so long between the time they take your x-rays and the time they come to see you, they must have found something horribly wrong. I have terrified mental images of a consortium of the American Dental Association's highest-ranking officials, gathered in an underground war room/bunker, gravely staring at massively magnified x-rays of my teeth, and tacitly discussing the impending tactical nuclear strike they must make against unsightly tarter. All the while, I'm sitting alone in the not-quite-wide-enough dental chair, nervously awaiting the results of my x-rays, the sounds of dental torture instruments coming from my right, the screams of a child coming from my left, all mingling in a delightfully macabre way with the floaty muzak.

All my fears, as per usual, were perfectly wasted; there wasn't so much as a trace of my lunch, let alone cavities. In fact -- and I don't mean to brag, but I will anyway -- the dentist did my teeth cleaning, having called three available hygienists-in-training to observe, all the while calling it an "ideal mouth, the perfect example of proper brushing and flossing." I couldn't help but smile, especially since one of the hygienists seemed stunned into utter delight as she watched the procedure. I didn't even get the evil metal hook thing.

Apparently, I did so well that -- and this is a first for me -- I didn't even get a free toothbrush.

I'm hoping that the nervousness I experienced at this visit may be the root, and not the side-effect, of my recent relapse into minor bouts of anxiety, something I thought I had conquered. I had an incident over Christmas where I very nearly lost my temper, and things haven't been going well since. Hopefully, this too shall pass.

I'm this close to wrapping up Super Paper Mario, which I will blog about at length once it's done. I'm not going to spoil things for you, but here's a sneak preview: this game is an absolute treasure.